The Testiad, a Glorious End!

 Sing oh Muse, tell of the watery end 

of King Testes, and his funeral rites 

in the sacred lake of Ares.

For,the last time Testes King of Lesbos, and Pajamarama King of somewhere unpronounceable joined as allies to raid the sacred Temple of Ares.

Ares Temple and the sacred lake

Testes is randomly selected as the violator of the gods Temple.  We have stolen his state and his reliquaries.

And behind Testes Pajamarama and his boys.

Over on the right Patroclitorus and the rest of Pajamarama lads.

And to our front the locals show up, a bit upset that we have nicked the statue.

The enemy chariots catch our skirmishers

They drive back the skirmishers but Pajamarama charges their lights.

Teyes charges down driving them back, but Patroclitorus arrives with his chariots to take over the statue and loot 

Some consternation as Patroclitorus fords the river.  Where's he off to?  Well he has the loot! Oh, well back to the fighting!

Pajamaramas chariots get into the fray.  No staying power.

Testes challenges the opposing hero.  They refuse to fight!

But they later bring over their big guy who beats Fated Testes in combat.

The King falls.  I'm amazed he lasted five games.

Testes is buried by chucking him in nto the lake.  It's how he would have wanted to go.

As Patroclitorus vanishes over the enemy base line poor Pajamarama is left alone, still standing.

And thus a win for the raiders, and a terrible night for the gods statue.

Midgard will return in the summer!

The Testiad, Book IV, Hold the hill.

O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend 
The brightest heaven of invention, 
A table for a stage, ancient wargamers to act the parts 

And bystanders to behold the swelling scene!

Sing O Muse, tell us of Ancient Testes, King of Lesbos.

Who trusted in his ally, a pajama wearing fellow.

Whose dice were small.  As they say in Thebes,

Beware of Greeks rolling sh*te dice.

Testes, King of Lesbos, a man advanced in years and marked as fated (no saving throws for this old lad)  The mission was to hold the hill, but half of our allies failed to show.  Even the elusive Patroclitorus was there ready for action, a true Prince of Lesbos.

No sign of Pajama man!

Opposite came the blood thirsty enemy, led by men who were cunning and who had wisely sacrificed to fate, for their dice were formidable, and they had forces that outnumbered us.

Would this be the day Old Testes met his Fate?

We place on the hill line as Defender's.  The Attacker's then match us.

Patroclitorus on our far right flank.

And Testes on the left  leaving our centre to our bold ally Mudduwata

First blood to us as we charge down at them.

But that flank I'd vulnerable.  Testes breaks an enemy unit but loses two of his own.

And miracles do happen, Patroclitirus holds the line against overwhelming numbers.

The central fight goes badly too as we are shoved back.

And my last picture of the game as Patroclitorus still stands.  

The game ended with almost a draw in terms of tokens.

Good fun!

The Testiad, book III.

Sing oh Muse!
Tell of Patroclitorus,
Mighty King of Lesbos,
Battlesmiter, slayer of 
Whitamarama, King of Prebendsia
Wielder of Zeus' mighty tin opener.

King Testes of Trussa and Pajamarama, Lord of somewhere unpronounceable, rivals now allies raided the Lands of the Whitamarama of Hatti, with Caananites as his subject allies.  

Forth from the ranks strode Patroclitorus, King of Lesbos, declaring his lineage, challenging the enemy.  Against him came Whitamarama, Lord of Zeus Mighty tin opener.
Alas no photo was taken, yet Patroclitorus prevailed, slew his enemy, used the Tin opener to strip him of his Dendra armour and return to his chariots victorious!

And to my left Pajamarama advanced.  But he had offended the gods and his rolls of chance were as urine from a very sick goat.

The Caananites came on to my front, lead by their Priest King in good order.

And Pajamarama advanced, cursed by the gods his confidence yet high.

Fierce fighting with the Caananites who showed their mettle

And bold Patroclitorus drove forward, whilst old King Testes did very little

By those Caananites put up a good fight.  

Yet oh the woes, a curse on the dice of Pajamarama!  But slowly we forced them back.

In the very centre Patroclitorus broke through their chariots, scattering them.

But by pub o' clock the Sea Peoples had the fuller cup of fate. 
The battle was done.  The attacking invaders had prevailed.
Yet the gods further cursed Pajamarama and ancient Testes was reminded that his fate weighed in the balance.

Can the Hatti prevail? Will Whitamarama return?

Will Testes deliver a mighty master stroke?

Can Patroclitorus be found?

Is Pajamarama still cursed.  Should he sacrifice seven white dice to the gods?

The Testiad, Book Two, the battle in the Mist

 Of King Testes I speak, swollen and Proud after Victory,

He advances on the Greeks, Mighty King of Tumesces.

But the mist comes down, and it's all a bit of a cock-up.

Oh sing ye muses, shall he be victorious, or is he yet fated?

The field of mist

And as we deployed we realised that the mist had messed with us.

A cautious central advance for the Sea Peoples as we attacked the Greek flanks.

And I have to admit that the heroes shooting reflected the Iliad quite nicely.

Gradually we closed in.  Not too impetuous but then again Testes is an old hand at this kind of job.

The Greeks were waiting g for the mist to lift.  It didn't.

Meanwhile the Sea Peoples bullied the flanks.

Finally Testes charges in.

And my dice were enough to win big occasionally as well as stave off defeat repeatedly.

The centre of both lines breaks into small groups melees

And it's all pretty evenly matched although Testes is wounded with a spear up his chitterlings.

The Greek chariots shooting is pretty great.

Bur tge Sea Peoples use the open flanks to support with light chariots and javelinmen.

The end of Pajamarama's hopes, as the Sea Peoples bite at both his flanks and the centre Melee sees him held.  To be honest it was a brutal fight that went both ways. 

Fated Testes wins again though wounded.  I shall field him as a level 2 hero in the next game to reflect the spear to his chitterlings.  I fear for his future.

Old Withered Testes faces Achillies

From the Testiad of Blind Humor

Sing you Muses, tell of Old Withered Testes,  son of Gonad, father of the Mighty Hero Phallus.  Tell of the wrath of fleet footed Achillies, and how the Alashians gave him a mighty blow.

Three there were faced the enemy, Old Testes, Young Arsius and Patroclitorus the elusive.  Heroes all, but obviously Testes was a level three.

Against them came Mighty Achillies the four, up on a hilltop.  With him Diomedes, and Patroclus, that poor imitation, yet to show up.

The landing near Kourion

Deployment.  The Greeks get the hill, the Sea Peoples face them.

And not just Sea Peoples, the local "Caananite" King and his forces.  I realised halfway through the battle that Arsiusvwas meant to command this flank.  I had given him "unleash Hell" and then gave the Bowmen to Patroclitorus.

And despite his advanced years Testes rushes forward and gets stuck in.

Whilst the Caananite flank is more cautious, since Achillies is looming large up on that hill.

Achillies stands on his objective rock and glowers.

PatroC loses his chariots to Achillies.

Meanwhile Testes and Diomedes knock seven bells off each other.

The Myrmidons have a proper go but exhaust themselves.

And Patroclitorus ends up hiding among the Caananite Spearmen.  Well that is Achillies over there.

Finally the Greeks chariots turn up.  Patroclus leads them on.  It's cramped!

But the Sea Peoples dice is favoured by Aphrodite!

And on such a small tale being pushed back can mean getting pushed off table.

A win for the Sea Peoples with eight token points left in the pot.  Testes is given the sacred love ring of Aphrodite as a reward.  

Not totally fair.  This scenario is odd on a small table.  The Sea Peoples were "fearsome" and Missile armed (javelins) not sure if either is warranted but I followed what I thought looked right.

Some campaign ideas

A narrative campaign.  Five scenarios, four players with 200 point armies.  

Each player is supported by a god and can gain rewards by soending the tokens remaining after a game.  Rewards may be: 

The Sword of Ares  10 tokens

The Bow of Apollo   8 tokens  

Upgrade a unit to brutal etc...

A new hero rises

Add a heroic trait

If no tokens remain the gods may randomly punish you ie...

Downgrade a unit to reluctant

Remove a heroic trait

Become fated etc...

Scenarios in this order

Battle ➡ None shall pass ➡ Take the High ground ➡ Battle in the mist  ➡  Last stand

Each Game will be written up as part of a heroic epic poem in the manner of Blind Humor and the Testiad example above.   The name of the winning hero of the campaign will become the title of the poem.