Chaos in Port Royal

1697 and Port Royal has been hit by an earthquake that collapsed most of the town into the sand spit.

2024 I do the Firelock Kickstarter and chaos and the Petains playtest the new rules in early 2025.

Apparently I only took four pictures, two of which were identical.  The first game saw Captain Quincy Smollett face down Barnacle Parker.  The second saw Big Chief Cackypants routed by the now notorious Barnacle, in a shameful display of failed damage tests.

The terrain

Fat Errol pushed them out of this position

A view of my paper building terrain.  Very slidey.

Mighty Arsemose and the tiny Sphinx.

A battle over the sacred statue.  A mini Sphinx known throughout the land as the tiny Sphincter.

Sunrise as the Egyptians defend against attacking Sea Peoples

Pharoah Arsemose may be defender but once again its the attacker that gets charged first.   All of the Egyptian Generals charge. And my points cup runneth over!

And the Egyptians win on both flanks.

The defeats in the centre will of course be ignored when it comes to telling the tale in the stonework!

That Hittitey fellow grabs the sacred Sphinx

And although I kill his bodyguard he sits on the Sphinx 

Pharoah's guard is killed   He fights on.

So a win on two flanks a loss in the centre.  But when the sacred amphora were counted I had two and the Sea Peoples none!  A win for civilisation.

If the game had gone one more turn barbarism would have succeeded!

And the tiny Sphincter remains unviolated!

The Testiad, a Glorious End!

Sing oh Muse, tell of the watery end,

of King Testes, and his funeral rites,

in the sacred lake of Ares.

For the last time Testes King of Lesbos, and Pajamarama King of somewhere unpronounceable joined as allies to raid the sacred Temple of Ares.

Ares Temple and the sacred lake

Testes is randomly selected as the violator of the gods Temple.  We have stolen his statue and his reliquaries.

And behind Testes Pajamarama and his boys.

Over on the right Patroclitorus and the rest of Pajamarama lads.

And to our front the locals show up, a bit upset that we have nicked the statue.

The enemy chariots catch our skirmishers

They drive back the skirmishers but Pajamarama charges their lights.

Testes charges down driving them back, but Patroclitorus arrives with his chariots to take over the statue and loot 

Some consternation as Patroclitorus fords the river.  Where's he off to?  Well he has the loot! Oh, well back to the fighting!

Pajamaramas chariots get into the fray.  No staying power.

Testes challenges the opposing hero.  They refuse to fight!

But they later bring over their big guy who beats Fated Testes in combat.

The King falls.  I'm amazed he lasted five games.

Testes is buried by chucking him into the lake.  It's how he would have wanted to go.

As Patroclitorus vanishes over the enemy base line poor Pajamarama is left alone, still standing.

And thus a win for the raiders, and a terrible night for the gods statue.  Get the blue nun out of the fridge!

Midgard will return in the summer!

The Testiad, Book IV, Hold the hill.

O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend 
The brightest heaven of invention, 
A table for a stage, ancient wargamers to act the parts 

And bystanders to behold the swelling scene!

Sing O Muse, tell us of Ancient Testes, King of Lesbos.

Who trusted in his ally, a pajama wearing fellow.

Whose dice were small.  As they say in Thebes,

Beware of Greeks rolling sh*te dice.

Testes, King of Lesbos, a man advanced in years and marked as fated (no saving throws for this old lad)  The mission was to hold the hill, but half of our allies failed to show.  Even the elusive Patroclitorus was there ready for action, a true Prince of Lesbos.

No sign of Pajama man!

Opposite came the blood thirsty enemy, led by men who were cunning and who had wisely sacrificed to fate, for their dice were formidable, and they had forces that outnumbered us.

Would this be the day Old Testes met his Fate?

We place on the hill line as Defender's.  The Attacker's then match us.

Patroclitorus on our far right flank.

And Testes on the left  leaving our centre to our bold ally Mudduwata

First blood to us as we charge down at them.

But that flank I'd vulnerable.  Testes breaks an enemy unit but loses two of his own.

And miracles do happen, Patroclitirus holds the line against overwhelming numbers.

The central fight goes badly too as we are shoved back.

And my last picture of the game as Patroclitorus still stands.  

The game ended with almost a draw in terms of tokens.

Good fun!

The Testiad, book III.

Sing oh Muse!
Tell of Patroclitorus,
Mighty King of Lesbos,
Battlesmiter, slayer of 
Whitamarama, King of Prebendsia
Wielder of Zeus' mighty tin opener.

King Testes of Trussa and Pajamarama, Lord of somewhere unpronounceable, rivals now allies raided the Lands of the Whitamarama of Hatti, with Caananites as his subject allies.  

Forth from the ranks strode Patroclitorus, King of Lesbos, declaring his lineage, challenging the enemy.  Against him came Whitamarama, Lord of Zeus Mighty tin opener.
Alas no photo was taken, yet Patroclitorus prevailed, slew his enemy, used the Tin opener to strip him of his Dendra armour and return to his chariots victorious!

And to my left Pajamarama advanced.  But he had offended the gods and his rolls of chance were as urine from a very sick goat.

The Caananites came on to my front, lead by their Priest King in good order.

And Pajamarama advanced, cursed by the gods his confidence yet high.

Fierce fighting with the Caananites who showed their mettle

And bold Patroclitorus drove forward, whilst old King Testes did very little

By those Caananites put up a good fight.  

Yet oh the woes, a curse on the dice of Pajamarama!  But slowly we forced them back.

In the very centre Patroclitorus broke through their chariots, scattering them.

But by pub o' clock the Sea Peoples had the fuller cup of fate. 
The battle was done.  The attacking invaders had prevailed.
Yet the gods further cursed Pajamarama and ancient Testes was reminded that his fate weighed in the balance.

Can the Hatti prevail? Will Whitamarama return?

Will Testes deliver a mighty master stroke?

Can Patroclitorus be found?

Is Pajamarama still cursed.  Should he sacrifice seven white dice to the gods?

The Testiad, Book Two, the battle in the Mist

 Of King Testes I speak, swollen and Proud after Victory,

He advances on the Greeks, Mighty King of Tumesces.

But the mist comes down, and it's all a bit of a cock-up.

Oh sing ye muses, shall he be victorious, or is he yet fated?

The field of mist

And as we deployed we realised that the mist had messed with us.

A cautious central advance for the Sea Peoples as we attacked the Greek flanks.

And I have to admit that the heroes shooting reflected the Iliad quite nicely.

Gradually we closed in.  Not too impetuous but then again Testes is an old hand at this kind of job.

The Greeks were waiting g for the mist to lift.  It didn't.

Meanwhile the Sea Peoples bullied the flanks.

Finally Testes charges in.

And my dice were enough to win big occasionally as well as stave off defeat repeatedly.

The centre of both lines breaks into small groups melees

And it's all pretty evenly matched although Testes is wounded with a spear up his chitterlings.

The Greek chariots shooting is pretty great.

Bur tge Sea Peoples use the open flanks to support with light chariots and javelinmen.

The end of Pajamarama's hopes, as the Sea Peoples bite at both his flanks and the centre Melee sees him held.  To be honest it was a brutal fight that went both ways. 

Fated Testes wins again though wounded.  I shall field him as a level 2 hero in the next game to reflect the spear to his chitterlings.  I fear for his future.