The Crusade up the Kakaar Valley

The forces of the Crusade have reached  the Kakaar Valley.  Bishop Huge of Cestria, the Teutonic Grand Master and Balian d'Pidelin are the three heroes leading their forces into danger.

Many said that these men were like movie stars, Larry, Mo and Curley or Clint, Lee and Eli.  In fact they more resemble Foggy, Cleggy and Compo.

The Kakaar Valley 

Deep in Shite territory.

Prologue to The Fatte Bishop's Tale

Yan whan men spooke of sinne

Than do they remember him,

A Bishop of godde, stoute and fatte

His dice were weak in all combat

But right powerful was his appetite

And he really was a sneaky shite.

The Fatte Bishop's Tale

Three fellowes there was, three musketeers,

Had fought their battayles forty years

One huge, one slight, one very strange

Yet none of them would ever change

And your pardon I would beg,

For Compo, Foggy and Norman Clegg. 

The War-Spur Issue 4

The Tale of the Fatte Bishop.

l

El Liott Sheik of the waistcoat, sends his Wild Turks
and racing camels down the Kakaar valley

An interception.  The blocking force appears.

My Holy Character, Fr Jac, takes refuge in the trees 

The Mounted Crossbows have some problems with the Ghulams

And the usual D'Pidling dice

The Lord of the McTurks turns up on the wrong side of the valley.

An the Grand Master tries to get his Teutonic
brethren through the terrain.  Slowly.

De Piddling tries to catch the Wild Turks and camels. The Turcopoles and German Mounted Crossbows compete for the honour of capturing the camels.  But which is it? 
 
The Day of the Mounted Crossbow 
or
The Day of the Turcopole (pronouncd Tuur-coow-pole-a)

Mounted crossbows vs Ghulams as Holy Brother Belcher encourages us with a sung Pslam
"Who are ya? Who are ya?"

The German Mounted crossbows smack those camels.

The lone figure of El Liott.  Defeated by Mounted Crossbows.  
Surely they would not just shoot him down like a dog?

Ah.  No they did just that.  Courage rolls all around.
The Wild Turks fail.

The Grand Master gets stuck in.
"Be very Qwiet!  He`s hunting Wabbitt!"

My Foot spear fall back battered having had a go at the Grand McTurk himself.

But my foot Knights have a go at the Grand McTurk and give him a spanking.
The Bishop is ripped apparently, but in a nervous moment he decides that prayer, nuns and communion wine are preferable to actual fighting.

The Black guard throw firepots into Balian's foot Sergeants.
Rude!
Just as the Grand McTurk points out that all of these Crusaders look alike to him,  Fireforge apparently.

Hand to hand as the Sergeants stand off the formidable Guard.

The view from the Bishop's lines as he engages in a shooting duel with and enemy half the number of points he is fielding.

And up the Valley its still close fighting

The German mounted crossbows vanish back to camp to do unspeakable things to those camels

(He mentioned a camel sandwich but we fear he didn't have food in mind)

The Germans begin to mount their attack. 

The Bishop's clumps of foot advance, finally.

Sir Lionel of Blair, Knight of St Lazarus, my character figure and Leper Knight.  leading my Foot Sergeants (Not welcome among my Church Gentry) he charges the Turk archers and destroys them. 

Lionel fans will know that he is very hard to target with arrows due to his impressive footwork.  

The Grand Turk gets stuck into the Grand Master.  Its heating up at the southern exit from the valley 

De Piddling charges his Knights home and routs the Black guard.  Heroic stuff, but its still the "Day of the Mounted Crossbowmen" I think.

Sir Lionel the Lazarite sees off some Turk foot spearmen.  Having a good game our Leper.

With El Liott in full retreat and the Grand McTurk surrounded the game ends.

At one point in the game I did ask if the Kakaar Valley, in Shite territory was located in Turdestan.  "A mike dropping moment and in many ways my finest work!"  

In retrospect I penalised myself on Gallantry points for that one.

The Roll of Dishonour.  

"I desire a Black Guard sandwich" declared the Grand Turk.  With His reputation?

"I was going to slip that one in afterwards"  The Grand Master

"Lets get my Booty off"  The Grand Master

"I enjoy a Northern Monk" declares the Bishop

"Better stand back in case it spurts," rejoins the Grand Master

But the ultimate, the top spot goes to our Hooste:  "A three on two action makes it difficult to balance."  He dropped the mike and walked after that one...

Most Gallant Knight Points

Sir Nigel/the grand Turk  11 (+2  for a doomed and desperate fight)

Grand Master/El Q 11 +4 (Saved the camels)

D'Pidelin 10 (+3 for his valour and a man of the Match point from father Jac +1)

Amir El Liott 10 ( +2  A valiant yet doomed action)

Oour Hoste 9 (For a mike dropping moment)

Bishop Farthingdale/El Fattii 7 (Not unimpressive +3 for the valour of the Leper Knight) (-1 for being so pleased with the Turdestan joke)

Wee Archie/Bungdit Din.  6 (No show on the day.  non runner) 

Sir Nigel ties with the Grand Master on top of the Gallantry Leaderboard week. Sir Piddling and El Liott close behind.  Sadly lagging are the Bishop and Wee Archie.